Hierarchy is often invisible because it becomes the air we breathe. We rarely notice it until we slow down and look at the subtle ways it shapes us:
• Language: We say “higher-ups,” “moving up,” “falling behind” — as if human worth is measured on a ladder.
• Politeness and tone: Speaking deferentially to authority, but harshly to ourselves or those “below.”
• Internal ranking: Comparing ourselves constantly — prettier, smarter, more successful, less worthy — even when no one is keeping score.
• Shame in vulnerability: Feeling weak or “less than” if we cry, ask for help, or admit we don’t know.
• Work and productivity: Believing our value rises when we achieve, and falls when we rest.
• Relationships: Seeking approval from those we see as “above” while neglecting those we unconsciously place “below.”
• Self-talk: The inner critic often speaks in the voice of hierarchy — “You should, you must, you’re failing.”
These subtleties matter because they quietly reinforce the wound: “My worth is not inherent — it depends on where I stand in the order.”